A step inside

Today I realized I am at heart an introvert.  Weird weird weird...because I've always wanted a lot of people, noise, and activity.  I always thought of myself as a party girl.  And when young, I did party a lot...drugs, alcohol, music, flirting, showing off.  Now in my sixties, I guess I've just burned it all out...none of those things bring any joy at all.  In fact, now I worry that I'm failing socially, that there's something wrong with me for not wanting to be the life of the party anymore.  So is it just age that's made me a homebody?  Or have I always been a secret introvert?  I suspect the latter  and I just saw it today.  For all my partying days, I was always in the midst of my friends...people I knew well enough to be completely myself and safe.  In recollection, I remember parties and gatherings where I was not so comfortable...occasions where I was not surrounded by friends.  Today I went to a neighbor baby's first birthday...there were people there I knew, but mostly strangers.  I stayed long enough to be friendly, but actually I couldn't wait to escape the crowd.  I get it now...I am extroverted among those I trust and feel safe with, but by nature I am introverted...I lose energy and derive very little pleasure from big less-familiar gatherings.  So here I am at home now, changed into comfy loungewear, snuggled in my big red chair and I feel VERY content...not afraid, not overwhelmed, not panicky, not hiding...just content.  And I never have to feel like a party failure again.  I really like this getting to know myself.  Being true to who I really am can only bring peace.

I'd like to thank Rocky who is taking a very small role in this process...he may soon be able to leave his time out (which took an ugly turn the other day when he butted into something not his business):

Clouds of bubbles

Floating bits of rainbow

Impaled on spring grass