Why bother?

Well, I'm not writing as often as I'd hoped.  I think I know why, although it's embarrassing to admit it:  I don't have an audience.  I enjoy the writing but often when I think it's time, I just shrug and say to myself  'why bother? No one will ever see it.'   So while the writing itself is important to me, clearly so is a readership...begging the question...why?  Why do I want someone to read what I write?  If they express an opinion, why would that be meaningful?  Why is not the creation enough? I know many writers do it for the money.  I know most do it because the words, the story, is within and requires liberation.  I have no idea how many of those writers would continue to write if no one ever read their work.  I could be wrong, but I think it may be like raising children.  You bring this work of art into being, you spend time, effort, and much anguish into creating substance and meaning.  You put your deepest self into the project, with wrenching honesty and good intentions. You tweak and polish...making it ready for the world.  That it is wonderful and beautiful is enough, but do not all we parents literally puff up with pride when someone remarks positively about our child?  And suffer silent despair when they are denigrated? (and some not so silent).  We do love that external appreciation for our work.  So I guess it's all about ego and validation.  Yes, you did a good job!  Your words really were meaningful.  Sigh.  I had hoped for something more.  Since my words are seen by no one, my contentment then must come from my own appreciation, my own wrestling and overcoming.  At least this way I don't have people shaming my "children" and they can all be perfect and interesting to me, and bring light to the world...if only to my little corner.

Flower all alone

If I did not see you here
You would still bloom